4/1/2006
Waterloo, ON
5th Annual Spring K-W BM (Ontario Championships)
Organizers
This past Saturday, elite and extensive self-destruction and debauchery wreaked itself upon a black oval deep in the heart of south-western Ontario.
In the weeks heading up to the 5th annual spring KW BM, talk and invitations spread like wildfire. It came to a point where every Ontario institution and contender worth its running salt received news of the impending apocalypse. There was no choice but to crown the event the provincial championships... or perhaps the worlds?
This race was also dubbed the retirement party for one Mullet B. Miler, due to his varsity graduation. Much like the fall edition where he took gold but fell short of the record, this mullet had big plans and made it no secret: Sub-6 or broke. Many others issued threats, but only a few had the ability to push the tight short-long.
One such contender, HutchEZ of the home team, made a statement very early, taking the first lead with a commanding 9 second beer. His lead did not last long as the long-maned crooked-neck blasted off a 60s first quarter. The two top dawgs continued to trade leads like this in exciting fashion, as per their individual specialization, until the final intervals. The last beer was slammed back convincingly by both heavy weights, and they emerged from the fourth and final exchange zone in unison for the first time. This is when the muleteer? maximized his running advantage, and pulled away to yet another BM title.
This title was the sweetest of all though, as the mullet crossed the line in a meet record of 5:54.9. The most daunting of beer mile barriers had been shattered by over 5 seconds, as he posted a 10 second personal best. Pending approval, the mullet becomes the 7th fastest b-miler of all-time. Not to be outdone, HutchEZ crossed the line a mere stroke past the barrier, under the previous record and in a new PB of 6:01.7. This was sweet vengeance for Hutch, who's ego had taken a beating in the traditional predictions leading up to the race.
A record number of participants followed Mullet B. Miler and HutchEZ to b-mile stardom. 47 participants squeezed themselves onto the 8 lanes, of which 36 legitimately finished. The first of which was former champ and recent long distance convert Adam:L, who made the pilgrimage to represent Northern Ontario and was rewarded with the bronze. As a result, Adam bumped Scott the Snake out of the medals for virtually the first time all year. Despite less time to prepare for the event due to international commitments, the Snake nearly struck, closing in with a PB of 6:39 behind Adam's 6:37. Rounding out the top-6 B-milers were Caw-lon with a huge PB of 7:05, followed by a tnfnorth founding father in 7:30.
In the next overall position was another meet record, as Ken McA destroyed 2 litres of chocolate milk and a mile in 7:37. This acceptable non-alcoholic derivative to the b-mile is not only getting faster but growing exponentially in participation.
The women's race featured a return to respectability for KW women. BM rookie Katie took training to heart and crushed the previous meet record of 9:23. Her time of 8:50 has even more merit considering she moved up to 4-beer, and was the only female to do so.
Every record conceivable appears to have been smashed: Mens and womens records, milk mile record, participation records. Will beer miling ever be the same again with our provincial hosts? Will today's hero return to one day run and drink 4-beer again? Only time will tell...
In the weeks heading up to the 5th annual spring KW BM, talk and invitations spread like wildfire. It came to a point where every Ontario institution and contender worth its running salt received news of the impending apocalypse. There was no choice but to crown the event the provincial championships... or perhaps the worlds?
This race was also dubbed the retirement party for one Mullet B. Miler, due to his varsity graduation. Much like the fall edition where he took gold but fell short of the record, this mullet had big plans and made it no secret: Sub-6 or broke. Many others issued threats, but only a few had the ability to push the tight short-long.
One such contender, HutchEZ of the home team, made a statement very early, taking the first lead with a commanding 9 second beer. His lead did not last long as the long-maned crooked-neck blasted off a 60s first quarter. The two top dawgs continued to trade leads like this in exciting fashion, as per their individual specialization, until the final intervals. The last beer was slammed back convincingly by both heavy weights, and they emerged from the fourth and final exchange zone in unison for the first time. This is when the muleteer? maximized his running advantage, and pulled away to yet another BM title.
This title was the sweetest of all though, as the mullet crossed the line in a meet record of 5:54.9. The most daunting of beer mile barriers had been shattered by over 5 seconds, as he posted a 10 second personal best. Pending approval, the mullet becomes the 7th fastest b-miler of all-time. Not to be outdone, HutchEZ crossed the line a mere stroke past the barrier, under the previous record and in a new PB of 6:01.7. This was sweet vengeance for Hutch, who's ego had taken a beating in the traditional predictions leading up to the race.
A record number of participants followed Mullet B. Miler and HutchEZ to b-mile stardom. 47 participants squeezed themselves onto the 8 lanes, of which 36 legitimately finished. The first of which was former champ and recent long distance convert Adam:L, who made the pilgrimage to represent Northern Ontario and was rewarded with the bronze. As a result, Adam bumped Scott the Snake out of the medals for virtually the first time all year. Despite less time to prepare for the event due to international commitments, the Snake nearly struck, closing in with a PB of 6:39 behind Adam's 6:37. Rounding out the top-6 B-milers were Caw-lon with a huge PB of 7:05, followed by a tnfnorth founding father in 7:30.
In the next overall position was another meet record, as Ken McA destroyed 2 litres of chocolate milk and a mile in 7:37. This acceptable non-alcoholic derivative to the b-mile is not only getting faster but growing exponentially in participation.
The women's race featured a return to respectability for KW women. BM rookie Katie took training to heart and crushed the previous meet record of 9:23. Her time of 8:50 has even more merit considering she moved up to 4-beer, and was the only female to do so.
Every record conceivable appears to have been smashed: Mens and womens records, milk mile record, participation records. Will beer miling ever be the same again with our provincial hosts? Will today's hero return to one day run and drink 4-beer again? Only time will tell...